Ms. Bitch: Finding happiness is the best revenge. Read online

  “It’s complete bullshit, is what I think. You should slaughter him and take him for everything he’s got. He’s only benefited from this marriage with you,” Vicki pointed out.

  Tess’s head began to throb. Why had she thought coming here was a good idea?

  “Vicki, this is my divorce, and this is how I am handling it. Period. Might I remind you that you always tell me I’m too combative? Now, you want me to be more? Just stop. You have not gone through something like this. Much like you tell me to shut up because I’m not a parent, I’m going to have to ask you to do the same when it comes to how I handle my divorce.” Tess was firm, but tried her best to keep the sting from her voice.

  Vicki slapped her coffee cup on the counter and started rummaging through drawers, pulling out food for dinner.

  So much for Live, Laugh, Love, Tess thought.

  When the silence drew out, Tess rolled her eyes. Typical of Vicki – if Tess didn’t fall in line with what she wanted, she got the silent treatment. Manipulation at its basest, Tess mused, annoyed that her sister still tried to control her so.

  “In other news, I made a Tinder account,” Tess said brightly, and Vicki slammed a drawer, turning around with a whisk in hand.

  “You shouldn’t be dating already. What do you think you’re doing? First the hair, and now you’re going to slut your way around town?”

  “What’s a slut?” David asked from the doorway to the basement.

  Tess cocked her head at Vicki, raising an eyebrow in amusement even though anger simmered hotly below the surface of her skin.

  “It’s a woman who dates too many men at once,” Vicki said, her eyes on Tess.

  “Why is that a bad thing?” David asked.

  “It’s not, David. Your mom just needs to learn a little bit more about being a feminist, is all,” Tess said, smiling gently at him to diffuse the tension.

  “What’s a feminist?”

  “A feminist is someone who wants women to have the same rights as men. So, for example, in this scenario if a man was out dating a lot of women he’d often be referred to as a ladies’ man, and applauded for being charming. Whereas if a woman is popular with a lot of men, she’s often shamed for doing so and considered to have loose morals.”

  David nibbled his lip, pondering her words while Vicki whisked a saucepan violently.

  “Hmm, that doesn’t seem that fair,” David finally decided.

  “Life isn’t fair, kiddo. But if we raise more feminists, we may even the scale a bit.” Tess smiled at him.

  “Does being a feminist mean I can dye my hair if I want to?” David asked, sliding his eyes to his mother at the stove.

  “Being a feminist means you wouldn’t judge anyone for dying their hair – especially a woman,” Tess said, trying to tiptoe her way through this particular landmine.

  “I think you’re cool for dying your hair,” David pronounced, “which makes me a feminist.”

  “Awesome, my little man. Go on and conquer the world,” Tess said, and a delighted David grabbed a juice box and raced back to his game in the basement.

  “Tess –” Vicki began, and Tess knew that tone.

  “Vicki, just stop. Stop trying to control my life, stop telling me what to do. For once, could you just support me? Without judgment? This is an incredibly difficult time in my life and I’ve asked you for nothing, nothing! You know why? Because I don’t need to sit here and listen to your judgments. If you want to be in my life, then – just for once – can you try to be my sister and not some judgmental asshole who thinks she knows what is best for me? Because you actually don’t. We’re completely worlds apart in who we are as people. If you want to love me and support me through this, could you please do just that? I get to handle this my way. Full stop. My divorce. My life. My new beginning. You’re either with me, or you’re not.”

  Vicki turned and crossed her arms over her chest, and Tess’s heart fell as she saw the stubborn look cross her sister’s face. “If this is your attitude, then as far as I’m concerned, I’m out.”

  Tess stared at her. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Vicki,” she said slowly. “You’re saying if I don’t handle my divorce and my life the way you want me to, you’re not going to be there for me?”

  “I don’t even know you anymore. You’re booking all these vacations, dying your hair different colors, now you’ve signed up for some one-night-stand dating app.”

  Tess stood, slapping her own coffee cup down so hard she was surprised it didn’t break.

  “None of this is good for you, you know,” Vicki continued, all but ranting now. “It’s all going to blow up in your face and you’ll end up lonely and sad, one of those middle-aged divorcee women that collect too many cats and do things like meet for Scrabble parties and knit too much. And forget about having time to have kids.”

  “I don’t want to have kids. You know that,” Tess said, her own words soft as she absorbed the blows of Vicki’s.

  “You might with a different man. You don’t even know yourself, Tess. You’re too impulsive, too headstrong, and that’s why you always end up in these messes. The next one will be the same. Another deadbeat guy, another relationship to bail you out of, and who’s to say where you’ll be at that point? Yeah, I don’t think I’m interested in being around to clean up any more of your messes.”

  “I have never asked you to clean up my messes.” Tess moved around the counter and snatched up her purse. “I have always gotten out of them on my own.”

  “Really? What about that summer job in the Caymans? I told you not to take the job and I told you it would end up a disaster, and it did.”

  “How could I have known the boss would be an asshole? Sure, I called you crying for a plane ticket home. You’re my sister, you’re supposed to be there for me!”

  “And I was.” Vicki rounded the counter, shouting now, her hands on her hips. “I paid for that extremely expensive ticket to get you home!”

  “And that was fifteen fucking years ago! I was barely twenty, and I was still learning. You bring it up at every single family dinner. Why? Why do you need to keep laughing at me for that failure? Why can’t you just say you were sorry it didn’t work and hope I learned something? But no, over and over, you bring this up to friends. You sit and laugh and make those boo-hoo motions with your hands about how I cried to you on the phone from the island. Frankly, Vicki, I think you just love when I fail. It gives you a reason to feel powerful over me, a reason for me to come running back to you, and a reason for you to keep trying to control me,” Tess shouted, her hands trembling as she dug her nails into her palms. She strode through the house to the front door.

  “If you would just do what I’d say, your life would be a hell of a lot more successful, wouldn’t it? I told you not to marry Gabe,” Vicki shot back, following her.

  “A divorce doesn’t mean I don’t have a successful life, Vicki.” Tess yanked the front door open. “I’ve built a wonderful career for myself, I have amazing friends, awesome dogs, good credit – what the actual fuck?”

  “A divorce is a failure. Even you’ll have to admit that,” Vicki said, prim as prim could be.

  “And? Okay, so I failed at this marriage. And I’ll fail again. And I’ll learn and I’ll grow, but I’ll tell you this much, Victoria, I’m going to do it on my terms,” Tess said, slamming the door in Vicki’s face.

  But she still heard her sister’s parting words through the paned glass of the front door window.

  “Then have a nice life.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Maybe she cried a bit, but with only Red and Ringo to see, Tess would swear to anyone that she hadn’t. Like she’d give her sister the benefit of her tears, Tess thought, as she viciously swiped on eyeliner. Her friend, Cate, had been on the way to meet Tess at her house tonight. She’d generously volunteered to help Tess start packing all her stuff so she didn’t have to sort through everything alone. The realtor had been pushing Tess to get the house in order so picture
s could be taken for the listing, but Tess had been dragging her feet, hating to think about the immense amount of work ahead of her.

  It wasn’t that she didn’t want to move – jeez, all she wanted to do was move forward – it was just so much damn work. She smiled into the mirror, still pleased with her hair color though her previous elation had been profoundly dampened after the vicious interaction with her sister. It had been just over two months since she’d kicked Gabe out. Ironic that her birthday in a few weeks was basically the halfway marker between kicking Gabe out and officially being divorced. Tess pulled on leather leggings and a shimmery navy camisole, and threw on some dangly earrings that highlighted her new hair color. After her fight with Vicki, Cate had issued a change of plans and they were meeting at a bar downtown that one of their friends owned.

  Her phone pinged, signaling the arrival of her Uber, and Tess kissed her puppies.

  “Best doggos in the world. Love you boys,” Tess said, before tucking them into their beds and heading out the door.

  She’d scored a chatty driver that night, and while normally it would annoy her, tonight Tess was more than interested in being distracted from her thoughts.

  “Love the hair,” her Uber driver – Max, the app told her – proclaimed.

  “Thanks, I just did it today.” Tess smiled.

  “Uh-oh. Bad breakup?” He peered back over at her. Tess sized him up – probably early sixties, comfortable in his plaid button-down tucked into creased khakis, and an honest-to-goodness driving cap on his gray hair.

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Women, I tell ya. You’re all so predictable. As soon as they break up, they change their hair and they start working out. I’ve seen it time and time again.” Max grinned as he took the side streets to avoid rush-hour traffic.

  “Well, Max, as much as I hate to say it, your theory must be correct because I just kicked my cheating ex-husband out.”

  “I knew it.” He held up his hand to show her his wedding ring. “Took me three marriages to find my special lady, but this one’s going to stick, I can promise you that.”

  “I hope for your sake it does, Max,” Tess laughed as he pulled up to the bar, a funky speak-easy called the Tin Horse.

  “Good luck with your new life. It stings for a bit, but keep your eyes open – there’s always love waiting around the corner if you’re open to it,” Max said.

  Tess said goodbye as she left the car and strode into the bar. Her friend, Meredith, a co-owner, waved to her from where she wiped a long wood bar that spanned the length of the narrow room. Candles flickered on shelves strewn haphazardly along the walls, dotted with books and doodads, and low-slung comfortable velvet couches were tucked in back. The bar had a friendly vibe – warm on cold winter nights, welcoming on spring days. It was an easy stop-in for many of their friends on their way home from work and Tess tried to make it by a couple of times a month to see people.

  “Love the hair. 44 North and soda?” Meredith asked, after smacking a kiss on Tess’s cheek. They’d been friends for years, had nursed each other through all manner of break-ups and woes, and had an easy friendship that stood the test of time. “Oh, wait. Break-up drink. Let’s go with a whiskey.”

  “Manhattan works for me,” Tess agreed, and Meredith bent to mix it as Cate strode in the door, a concerned look on her face. She scanned the bar until she spotted Tess and laughed.

  “Here I thought I’d find you crestfallen, but instead, you’ve got purple hair and are sipping whiskey,” Cate said, smiling as Meredith slid her drink across the bar. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to see you.”

  “Girl, we’ve both been mad busy. It’s okay. I don’t expect everyone to stop their real life just because I’m going through a divorce.”

  “Still, I should have been here sooner,” Cate berated herself.

  Tess held up her hand. “Stop. You’re an amazing friend, you always have been, always will be. Leave it at that. Now, can we talk about how awful Vicki was being?”

  “I wasn’t going to say it… but holy shit, Tess, from the little bit you told me, I have to say… what a bitch,” Cate said, smiling at Meredith as she brought her a Guinness.

  “Talking about the mistress?” Meredith asked, leaning over the bar, settling in for a chat.

  “No; Vicki,” Tess said, rolling her eyes.

  “What happened?”

  Tess recounted their argument, with both her friends wholeheartedly siding with her. She finished her second drink, feeling the warm cocoon of alcohol soften her mood a bit.

  “It’s a tricky word, isn’t it – ‘bitch’?” Tess mused, fishing out a cherry from the bottom of her drink. “Like, I totally know Vicki is being a bitch. But I was also proud of myself for feeling like a bad bitch today. Still, as much as I try to make it positive, Gabe has hurt me by calling me a bitch repeatedly since I kicked him out. It’s a powerful word. It kind of takes and gives…”

  “It’s certainly one of the more versatile words in our language,” Cate agreed.

  “So how come I can confidently use it to give myself power and then hours later use it to malign my sister?” Tess wondered, introspection running as deep as the whiskey coursing through her.

  “I suppose it’s a word you’ve got to own, one way or the other,” Cate said.

  “What word is that?” A voice over her shoulder had Tess turning, and she immediately jumped out of her seat. “Owen! I haven’t seen you in ages.”

  “I almost didn’t recognize you.” Owen tugged on her hair. “Love this.”

  “Thanks. You playing tonight?” Tess motioned toward the little platform at the front of the room where a small band could tuck themselves into the corner to play. Owen, a hipster finance guy, liked to throw off his suit coat after work, roll his shirtsleeves up his tattooed arms, and sing a few nights around town. She’d known him for years, and they had a relaxed friendship in a similar circle of friends.

  “I am. Just me and my guitar tonight, keeping it easy. Is Gabe here?”

  “Ah… about that. We’re getting a divorce.” Tess kept her tone light.

  “Shut up! Oh, no, I’m sorry to hear that,” Owen said, hugging her once more. “What happened?”

  “He had an affair. I kicked him out. Is what it is,” Tess said, feeling rather blasé about the whole thing. Or the whiskey was making her blasé. Either way, she didn’t feel like rehashing it with Owen.

  “His loss. But perhaps another’s gain?” Owen winked at her and moved toward the stage to get ready to sing.

  “He was flirting with you,” Cate informed her.

  “Oh, he was not. We’ve known Owen for years.”

  “Which is how I know he was flirting.”

  “Please. He’s friends with Gabe too.”

  “Is he? Didn’t you know him first?” Cate waved to Meredith for more drinks.

  “What is this?” Tess laughed, but found her eyes going back to where Owen strummed his guitar on stage, “Finders keepers? I saw him first, he’s mine?”

  “Kind of. Isn’t that how divorce bingo goes?”

  “Who the hell knows?” Tess blew out a breath and was grateful when Owen’s voice filled the room, drowning out whatever Cate was going to say next. For a moment, Tess’s heart pounded. Could she hook up with Owen? Was that even allowed? Was it crossing weird friendship lines? Did it even matter? What would it be like to touch a different man?

  “Whoa, what’s got that look on your face?” Cate whispered in Tess’s ear.

  “Just… considering,” Tess admitted.

  “Yes! Do him. Do all the men. Go for it,” Cate insisted. Tess laughed, but found her eyes going back to Owen, his black-framed glasses and tattoos looking cuter by the minute. Or, she supposed, by the drink, as Meredith slid her another drink across the bar.

  “I don’t think ‘all the men’ is necessary. But we’ll see.” Cate clapped as they enjoyed the rest of Owen’s set before he wrapped up his show for the night and wandered back
over. Cate immediately moved one stool over so he could sit between them.

  “Great show, Owen,” Cate said.

  “Thanks. I always have fun here. It’s low key, but lets me work out some of the stress from my day. Though I do prefer the more rowdy nights when my band can join me,” Owen admitted, smiling his thanks as Meredith got him a beer.

  “Oh! Speaking of rowdy! I can’t believe I forgot,” Cate crowed, slapping her hand on the bar. “I know what we’re doing for your birthday. Well, if you’re comfortable with it. But I say you’re comfortable with it and it’s going to be awesome and we’ll take over the city.”

  “Um, slow down.” Tess chuckled at her friend, who was clearly enjoying her buzz. “What city are we taking over and why?”

  “Because it’s your birthday, and you always say you want to travel more, and we need to do something fun, and I know we both harbor an unhealthy obsession with the sweet guitar stylings of one badass eighties rocker.”

  “Um?”

  “Slash!” Cate all but bounced out of her chair. “Guns N’ Roses are touring again and guess where they’re going to play?”

  “Here?” Tess guessed.

  “Nope! New Orleans! And you and I are going.”

  “What? No!” Tess gasped, both elated and horrified at the same time. Her last trip to New Orleans had been anything but pleasant.

  “Yes. And we should go. I know it’s where you got married. And I know it’s a town with a lot of memories. But you love New Orleans. You loved it before Gabe. Don’t let him take the town from you,” Cate insisted, leaning over Owen to squeeze Tess’s arm. “Please? It will be amazing.”

  “Um, I don’t even know what to think,” Tess said, “I just went to Mexico a few weeks ago.”

  “So? It’s only a weekend. What? You’re going to sit in that house alone all summer while Gabe lives it up with his mistress?”

  “Ouch,” Tess said, picking up her whiskey.

  “Tough love time,” Cate shrugged.

  “I’m in,” Owen declared, and Tess’s mouth dropped open.